“To establish true self-confidence, we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” — Denis Waitley
I know what you’re thinking … easier said than done, right?
Nobody is born with high or low self-confidence. Confidence is a feeling that people develop and work on over time. For most people, confidence is something that comes and goes.
Think about it in terms of a cycle: When someone is at the top of the cycle, they are focused on their successes and accomplishments, meaning they might feel confident and strong. But when they are at the bottom of their cycle, they are focused on their failures and may feel low self-confidence or even defeat.
If you can identify with the feeling I’m referring to at the bottom of the confidence cycle, know you’re not alone. Everyone struggles with self-confidence every now and then. The key is realizing that confidence is like a muscle — the more you work on it, the easier it will become for you to use and maintain.
Confidence IS ABOUT TAKING ACTION, taking a risk stepping out of our comfort and into our stretching zone, because this is where the muscle will grow.
Confidence is about not being afraid to fail, taking action, taking that first step into the unknown.
When a client comes to me with low self-confidence, the first question I ask them is;
‘What area of your life do lack confidence in?’ you see people tend to generalise and assume they lack confidence across the board, but, in reality by breaking down this ‘belief’ a coach will begin to uncover the clients story and limiting belief around their lack of confidence which will usually be in just one area, so for example; they might be extremely confident at work but their personal relationship with their partner might be low, so this would be the area that a coach will work on.
Self-confidence is the feeling you have when you strut into a job interview knowing you’re going to impress the hiring manager. A person feels confident when they believe they can successfully do something by applying their judgement, knowledge, and prior experiences.
Think about a time when you felt extremely confident in your ability to do something.
Did you feel an adrenaline rush? Did you feel strong and powerful? Did you feel as though you could conquer the world?
Self-confidence does a lot of things for us. It boosts our self-esteem, diminishes stress, and often pushes us to act. But most importantly, it makes us feel good about
Self-esteem is closely related to confidence but has a slightly different definition — it is a person’s evaluation of their self-worth and value.
There is a direct correlation between confidence and self-esteem. When you believe in yourself — your talents, capabilities, worth, and potential — both your self-esteem and confidence increase.
When your self-esteem increases, you believe you are worthy of the life you dream of and the success you desire. Not only will you become more confident, but you will more easily accept your failures, give yourself the credit you deserve, accept new challenges, and become happier.
In fact, self-esteem always exists with happiness — and there are studies to prove it. In almost every instance, people who feel good about themselves are significantly happier than those who lack self-worth. When self-confidence increases, your self-esteem, and happiness do the same.
The feeling of low confidence and not being good or smart enough often manifests as stress or anxiety. And in extreme cases, it can even turn your body’s fight or flight mode on, which isn’t ideal unless you’re being chased by a hungry lion (or are experiencing another life or death situation).
Stress and anxiety on a regular basis can be detrimental to your self-confidence. These feelings cause excess release of cortisol and norepinephrine in the brain — making our bodies feel out of control and overwhelmed.
Unless you are actually trying to avoid becoming the lion’s lunch, there’s no reason to feel these feelings. And you certainly don’t want them just because your math teacher called you up to the board to complete a problem. Stress and anxiety can cloud your judgment and prevent you from thinking logically.
When stress and anxiety fade away, the excess release of cortisol and norepinephrine in the brain come to a halt. You are able to believe and trust in your abilities again, think logically, and feel as though you are ready to tackle new challenges that come your way — you’ll jump back to the top of that confidence cycle.
If someone is confident in their ability to successfully do something, they’re more likely to volunteer to complete a task than someone who is less confident.
For example, imagine your manager coming to your team and saying, “Is anyone able to help me design a logo?” Chances are, the person with the background in design, or the most knowledge in the field, would volunteer their expertise … versus another person without any experience whatsoever.
This is called the power of certainty. When you’re more certain of — and confident in — your knowledge and abilities, you’re more likely to act.
If you’re confident in your abilities, not only will you feel more motivated to act, but the people around you will also want to trust you more … which takes us to our next section:
If you’re the one with the design background, do speak up about that logo and successfully follow through with a fantastic result. You’re not only going to feel a boost in your self-confidence (“Yay! I did this, and I did this well”), but your manager and team will also trust you more. They’ll think of you next time they have a design project.
When you are confident in your abilities, people are more likely to trust you, listen to you, and follow you.
For example, imagine you’re working on a group project, and you need to elect a leader. One person in the group says, “I know I can lead us to success, and I already
When you are confident, more people are likely to follow your lead.
There are several studies that show a strong positive correlation between high levels of self-confidence and success. That’s not to say that people who struggle with confidence won’t be successful. However, research shows that people with higher levels of self-confidence achieve greater success in multiple areas of life.
There are a couple reasons for this:
Now that you understand the benefits of having self-confidence, you may be asking yourself how you can work on your own self-confidence
When you are confident, more people are likely to follow your lead. Whether it’s studying a little harder, practicing more, asking for help, or spending a few extra minutes re-reading something, you can always push yourself out of your comfort zone to improve — and become more confident — in areas in which you typically lack confidence.
For example, if you’re someone who freezes up and gets anxiety while speaking publicly, sign up for a class or two — practice in front of your family and friends. Then, when you have to give that speech, not only will you impress the audience, but you will impress yourself. This will help you develop the self-confidence you’re striving for an area in which you typically struggle.
When you are prepared to do something, you’re more confident in your ability to accomplish a task successfully.
“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.” — Arthur Ashe
People can tell a lot about you and your level of confidence by the way you physically present yourself. That includes your overall dress and body language.
Imagine you’re conducting a job interview, and you have two equally qualified candidates. The first candidate is slouched over the entire interview, not making eye contact, and looks slightly disheveled. The second candidate gives you a firm handshake, is sitting up straight, looks you directly in the eyes, and is wearing a nice suit. Who would you choose for the job?
The second candidate seems significantly more confident, prepared, and impressive — and you can probably gather all of that about a person without even talking to them.
It’s proven that people feel greater self-confidence and esteem when they feel good about their appearance. So use appearance to your advantage — not only will you radiate confidence for the people around you to notice, but you will also use your appearance and body language to make yourself feel more confident in any type of situation.
There’s an old saying in golfing circles;
“if you want to play like a golfer, you have to dress like one”!
Positivity is a key component to building self-confidence. It’s what keeps you from beating yourself up after a setback or mistake.
By not accepting failure and staying positive, you’ll actually help yourself become a more confident person.
Here’s an example: If you’re trying to learn a new software at work, and you’re continually making mistakes, sure, you might be frustrated, but I’d bet you’re also learning a lot throughout the process.
Once you’re finally able to iron out these issues and understand how to use the new software, you have proven to yourself that you can get through a challenging time. This should not only get you excited and make you feel confident about this specific
situation, but it should also make you feel confident in your abilities to tackle another difficult project.
It’s not always the stuff that comes naturally to you that makes you super confident. Instead, it’s usually the stuff you have to work really hard to get through.
Self-confidence is not always easy to achieve or maintain, but it’s something that everyone deserves to experience. There are many reasons why confidence is essential in our personal and professional lives, but most importantly, it plays an integral role in our happiness.
