In my work with clients, it seems most (if not all) of us struggle with confidence in some area, or at some point in our lives whether that be confident in our appearance, abilities, relationships, careers, decision making, and social situations.

We all have crises of confidence. Times we are self-conscious and moments of self-doubt. And, if your lack of confidence is keeping you in a bad job or poor relationship — or keeping you from moving forward in your life or career, you’re not alone.

It is bad enough feeling bad, without feeling bad about feeling bad!

1.What Are You Not Confident in?

We are not confident experts in everything, how can we be.

So, what area is your confidence low? When do you feel self-doubt, and your negative emotions creeping in? Where do you feel your skills or abilities are limiting you? Where would you like to boost your confidence?

The name of the game here is to identify and shine a light on that low area. Once exposed, it won’t feel so overwhelming as you will have something to work on.

Maybe you want the confidence to change your job or career? Ask that beautiful girl in accounts out on a date? Perhaps you’d like the confidence to go on an adventure or take a trip you’ve been thinking about for some time.


Write down and be specific why you want more confidence and what it will give you.

2.Confidence, what will this give you?

What does “having confidence” give you? after all, there is no one size fits all. What works for you won’t work for me.

What gives you confidence? Think about a time in your life when you felt most confident.


Where were you, and what were you doing? How were you feeling being empowered with confidence? The more you get clear about this, what you were seeing, hearing and feeling the easier it will be tap into when you need it

3.You are you and stop comparing yourself to others

One of the surest ways to lose confidence is to try to be someone else. One of the best ways to build your confidence is to be yourself.

Stop trying to be someone else. It’s incongruent and inauthentic. You are not everyone else. You are you. The more you are true to your authentic self living in alignment with your values, the stronger you will be. It’s like flexing a muscle the more do it, the stronger it becomes.

When you stop being who you are, your confidence will sap because it’s “just not you”.


Take time to reflect what makes you unique?  Please write it down what’s important to you, your values.

4.Change Your State

Changing your physical and mental ‘state’ is one of the quickest ways to access a feeling of confidence. All states are caused by the interaction between your thinking patterns, your physiology (doing) and your neurochemicals (feelings). We are always in a state of Thinking, Feeling and doing When we change our physical state, it changes our internal state.

To do this, you need to know what the state of ‘confidence’ looks, feels and sounds like for you.


Here are a few strategies you can use to access that:

  • Think of a specific time, associated with feeling confident. Sink into that feeling deeply and moment by moment relive every detail.
  • Imagine how you would feel if you were confident. How would you Act, Feel and Be?
  • Think about someone you know who exudes confidence. For example, your superhero, someone you admire and imagine what that person would do.
  • Action builds confidence and each step you take builds it further.

5 Acquire New Skills

Confidence is often linked to abilities. One of the best ways of building confidence is to acquire new skills, knowledge and experience. 

So, growing your skills will boost your confidence. It’s not about a race to the top of the mountain; it’s about the journey. Yes, you will have setbacks, and mistakes are part of that journey, but no one is perfect. Confidence is all about knowing you have the ability to see it through, and setbacks are just part of that process.


Ask yourself: Is there a specific area where you are lacking confidence? How can you expand your expertise in this area?


.5 Just Do It

Thinking about doing it does not get it done. A thought is just a thought. To get it done, you have to get into action.

Standing on the edge of the diving board, waiting, wondering, worrying if you can do it, you lose confidence. Your fears start to set in; you begin to doubt your-self. But when you take that dive, that leap of faith into the depths of the unknown, you start a process, the next dive after the next builds and increases your confidence just like a muscle.


Think of one step you could take right now that would get you moving in the right direction. Then Just Do It and see what happens. An incredible thing about human brain is that once it realizes something is working, it will keep that momentum going!

Final Thoughts

Being more confident starts with one thing — YOU.

YOU are deciding to take action. And when all else fails, YOU can make a choice.

YOU can choose to be confident. YOU can choose confidence over fear and self-doubt.

Your mind believes what you tell it. If you continue to tell yourself the story that you are not confident, you will believe it and your self-doubt will continue. But if you tell yourself you can do it, that you got this, your mind will believe that too.

Remember, fostering a strong sense of confidence is critical to experiencing overall health, happiness and success.

And once you get started, you’ll be unstoppable. Be bold. Be confident. You got this.

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