Actions, not words, reveal our real values.
That is what I said to one of my clients after she was deliberating (for months) on whether to leave her well-paid job and start her own venture. She said “I do want to, this goal is really important to me” and I replied “no it’s not” “yes it is,” she said. “saying it doesn’t make it true” I replied, “you can’t dismiss what I’m saying”. She said.
“I know myself well enough. I know what’s important to me”. “yes, I can dismiss what you are saying and just look at your actions”. Our actions will always reveal our real values, and behind every goal, there is a value-driving it.
“What about people who want to run the marathon, learn a language but haven’t started yet? or a person who wants to quit their job, but haven’t been able to yet?” “If they really wanted to do it, they would have done it” I replied, you have been talking about this new venture for months but never launched it.
Looking at your actions, and knowing you, I would say that you don’t want to leave your job. Yes, there are parts that you don’t like, and maybe a conversation with your boss these could be addressed. This was a revelation and a light bulb moment for my client. I left it with her to reflect and decide what she really wanted.
The following coaching session, my client admitted that I was right. She had been fooling herself for years, telling herself she wanted to do this, but her actions proved otherwise. No matter what you say, your actions reveal the truth. Your action shows you what you really want.
Two ways you can react to this:
- Stop lying to yourself, look in the mirror and tell yourself the truth, admit what you really want.
- Get into action and start doing what you say you want to do and see if it’s really true.
When a client does not follow through with their actions or goal, something is holding them back. Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing. Generally, there is a value lurking in the background that is being met; it can be positive or negative maybe it’s security, fear of commitment but something is keeping you in this place there is a reward, a payoff.
So, next time you find yourself stuck and wondering why you have not achieved your outcome look in the mirror.
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