We run our lives by the script and the stories we tell our-self about the different areas of our lives.
We have the work and career story where we tell our-self that we are in a dead-end job, no satisfaction, respect or acknowledgement. And that we are powerless to do anything about it?
We have a relationship story where we tell our-self that we are not worthy of love and affection, and nobody will ever find us attractive.
We have the family and friends’ story we tell our-self, where we play the victim or the caring and pleasing person who gets frustrated and angry when their needs are not getting met.
You are not your stories
The stories we tell our-self are endless, their draining and can be damaging and just like Alice in wonderland are made up and played out inside our head, all the dramas, frustrations and upsets are there to confirm our view, life seen through our lens. As a coach, I hear these stories all the time. So, how can we rewrite our script and story? Well, first, we need to be aware and conscious of the story, is it serving us in a positive or negative way? Asking ourselves powerful questions like, “Is the way I am acting helping or harming me?” can help us take back control of our-self.
Of course, it’s not only the stories we are telling our-self but also the ones that other people are telling themselves we are all playing and acting out our stories. If you listen to other people, really listen, you can observe the effect and impact these stories are having on them.
If you think differently, you are bound to feel and act differently.
Re framing and asking our-self a better-quality question will get us a better-quality answer, your thoughts, emotions and actions influence and reinforce each other and can have a dramatic effect on your thinking and your story. If you think you are crap at your job, guess what you will. Why? Because what we focus our energy on, we become. We think we are crap at our job we will find the evidence to support it and script our story accordingly.
When a client says to me “I just can’t do it?” I reply, “what if you could what would it look like?” or “what if you knew you could not fail, what could you do?”
We call this an incisive question. It has two parts to it, The first temporarily suspends the limiting belief (I just can’t do it), which allows my client, for a moment, to be creative as they answer the second part (what if you could what would that look like). It frees the rational mind to explore outside the boundaries it has imposed. This technique is very successful as it unblocks a client’s mind and helps them dream in safety.
The rationale behind these powerful questions is to encourage my client to lift their minds above their beliefs for a while to get a glimpse of what might be possible. Try it, the next time you catch yourself saying “I can’t” re frame it with “what if?”
The stories you tell your-self define your life. Make them good ones.
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