We are continually evaluating our friends, family, work colleagues and people we meet, by their words, actions, and behaviours to determine if we can trust them and that they care about us.
We ‘pigeon-hole’ and label people, we gather evidence to support an individual viewpoint we have of them, based on our own values and beliefs, and we do all of this unconsciously. Have you ever been friends with someone then suddenly you fell out with them? Have you ever overheard two people talking and one said: “I used to be friendly with her, but she made a comment that I did not like, clearly she did not care how I felt, so we don’t speak any more.”
Research has revealed that 82 per-cent of our judgments of others are made up by warmth (trust) and competence (care).
Trust and care
When we meet someone new and want to form a deep, meaningful relationship with them the two questions that we wish to seek evidence for are “can I trust you and do you really care about me?” these two questions are the underpinnings and foundations to any profound, meaningful relationship.
Can you think of a time when trust and care were being tested in a relationship with someone? How did you feel? Were you upset, hurt, disappointed, I know I was when it happened to me?
As a coach I’m trained to do more listening than talking, so, it comes as no surprise during the course of a coaching session with a client, that words like upset, hurt and disappointed surface. Usually, a trust and care issue is lurking in the background in some dark corner waiting for a light to be shone on it and expose it. And that is one of the reasons people seek out a coach; they get the chance with their client to re-visit that dark corner, expose the outdated script that does not serve them anymore, rewrite it and do something different.
So, the next time you are in a conversation and feeling hurt or upset about something that was said or done, maybe a trust and care issue is lurking in a dark corner waiting to be exposed.