Most of us have a fixed view of ourselves and our abilities. If we pass that exam or get our dream job, it doesn’t suddenly make us believe we’re a great person.
We don’t think too much of ourselves, so we put successes down to being ‘lucky’.
Narcissists, on the other hand, see their achievements as indicators of the brilliant, successful people they believe they are. And if they don’t succeed, it’s no slight on them as a person.
So while it’s important to be realistic about your mistakes, remember it doesn’t make you a bad person.
Instead of viewing successes and failures in terms of your personality, try to see each event in isolation.
A specific type of therapy can help you practise this. Rational emotive behaviour therapy teaches you to see negative events as failings rather than as a sign, you are a failure.
After all, if you base your worth on what happens at any one time, what happens if you do a good thing today and a bad thing tomorrow?
Keep a daily diary of your achievements and failures to help you remember they are just experiences.